Letter To Flaisha

October 23, 2000

Dearest Flaisha,

You opened your eyes for the first time at midday on the 8th of January. You got my eyes, aquamarine with gold flecks. I remember the first time I saw you and I never thought I could love someone as much as I do you. Your first cry was heard over a million miles and my heart swelled as you gently held my hand that was reaching out to you. You stopped your impairing noise when I lulled you in my arms. You were so beautiful and so fragile. Touching you was petrifying, afraid you'll break within my grasp. I cried from the seraphic sight you possessed.

You were my first love and now you're my first heartbreak. My Flaisha, I know it may seem unforgiving to leave you alone in the world of deception. I’m sorry, life is too cruel to you. I was defeated in a battle that was impossible to win. I fought for you, and only you, yet cancer prevailed. I gave all my love to you but I became too weak. As I sink to my knees, you gave a smile of comfort. Thank you. I had hoped to give you life of happiness. I gave everything I had to be able support you and fill in my remaining time with you with love. My hands became numb and my feet bled to be able to stabilize your future. Nights in the glaring light of exhaustion, but you were a drink to refill the power that was once lost. As time came to an end, you looked at me with your eyes—almost identical to mine—in questioning. As my breath shorten and my heartbeat slowed, you sat there with innocence.

I held you tight and whispered smiles. It’s time for me to say goodbye, my Flaisha. You won’t remember these gruesome moments, and I am grateful for that, but I hope you’ll remember just how much I loved you. You’ll hear me through the wind as I caress your skin. You’ll see me in the middle of a storm, calling out to you. I’ll be with you in your every step. Don’t fret, my daughter, I’m here. I will always be here beside you.

Sincerely,

Mommy

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